August 24, 2006
When I talk about control.
It's very difficult, at my age, to comply with every demand of a man whose sole desire is to control every aspect of my life. During the time that we have been together, I have slowly relinquished control over so many things.
For example: if he had come right out in the beginning and said "I do not like you to wear makeup, remove it at once!" I would have likely hit the door and never once looked back. But slowly over the years, the comments like "You look so much better without makeup." and later "I don't like when you wear eyeliner."...those things have changed me. I didn't even see it happening.
He has changed my eating habits, sleeping habits, the length of time I take in the shower, what I wear, and more surreptitiously, my relationships with my family and friends. I can't remember the last time I saw one of my IRL friends face-to-face. I have friends that I've made through him, but these are his friends, loyal to him, and not confidantes.
I swore, after my marriage, that I would never allow myself to be manipulated, controlled, and isolated again. Somewhere, somehow, I let my guard down, and now I am paying the price for that little error.
It's going to take months to get my life back.
|
jktty at 11:48 a.m.