September 15, 2007
When I have an epiphany about men.
I had this epiphany today. Okay, yesterday/last night if you want to get technical. I don't recall what event triggered my moment of clarity...but I know that the more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me.
Now, after saying all that, it's going to seem pretty anticlimactic when I say that men will say almost anything for a piece of ass. Lots and lots of you already know that. I'm sure at some point in my 33 year old life I've known it, forgotten it, learned it again, conveniently forgotten...and I've been in that cycle for who knows how long.
Now, take note that I did say that men will say almost anything. The dirty bastards out there will truly say anything, but the rest of the guys..."Average Joe" if you will...will not cross certain boundaries.
So ladies, let me explain this to you. If you're already in a relationship, this really doesn't apply to you. This is for the women that are just starting out, or are 'dating.'
When a man says "You're so beautiful." what he really means is "Can I see your boobs."
When he says "I like you a lot." what he is actually saying is "Will you touch my penis now?"
When he says "You're special." that translates to "Sex? Okay?"
If you're the type of girl that's brave enough to ask a man how he feels about you and he says anything like "I can't tell you" or if he just smiles at you or gives you a wink, this translates to "I really just want to fuck you, but if I tell you that, then it really will just defeat the purpose of this wink and goofy smile."
You can pretty much translate anything he tells you just by using a bit of common sense. You would be a fool to take his words at face value. Mens brains are situated somewhere in their penises, and this is the center of all thought. Also, men don't develop a fully functional heart until they're in their 40's.
Yes girls, this means that all those boys that told you they "like you" "really like you" or even "love you"...they were lying.
Those translate to "I want to touch your butt." "I want to put my mouth on you." and "Lets fuck.", respectively.
Now that I've armed you with my epiphany you have a choice to make. You can either
1. Dump the jerk that's just trying to get a piece of ass. or
2. Have fun with him while you can, give him a piece of ass if you want to, but most importantly protect your heart. Remind yourself at every opportunity that he just says that stuff so he can get some, and you should be okay. If you ever start believing him...just come here and read this.
I know I will.
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jktty at 12:15 p.m.