August 23, 2007
When I share my thoughts about gifts.
Cabbage Patch dolls were all the rage the Christmas I was nine years old. Every girl I knew had asked for one, and couldn't wait to find out what her new dolls name would be.
I had three families that year, because my parents were divorced, and my mother had remarried. In my mind I knew that between the three grandmothers, two grandfathers, and the more than fifteen aunts and uncles that would be buying me gifts, I would end up with one of those coveted dolls.
That year was my fathers turn to have me for Christmas, and his family always bought nice gifts. Christmas morning was thrilling, and my younger cousins and I could hardly eat breakfast because the gifts were waiting to be opened.
There were three boxes, almost identical in shape, one for each of us girls. I let my cousins open theirs first, and let the anticipation build. The girls both got adorable cabbage patch dolls, and so I anxiously ripped into my box. Instead of a cabbage patch doll, I ended up with some cheap knock-off that was NOT cute, and had handmade clothes. I was crushed. I remember trying to force a smile and trying to hold back the tears. I so very much wanted to be happy that I got a gift, but my disappointment could not be contained.
At 33 years old I know the truth: my dad couldn't afford a 'real' cabbage patch doll, and he was sure that I would be just as happy with the doll he bought. The nine year old me had no idea about his financial troubles, and instead of seeing the kind thought behind his gift, I felt like I had been terribly let down.
I named the doll, but I never played with it. It ended up in a box, and before another Christmas came around, the doll had been sold in a garage sale. I was an ungrateful and spoiled brat that year, and I can look back on it with shame.
I've been thinking a lot lately about gifts. Not just the physical things that we buy for one another, but intangible things. Life, friendship, and family are gifts that we often take for granted.
Love is also a gift that is often unappreciated.
When giving your heart away has caused you heartache so many times, it is difficult to find someone that you trust enough to give your heart to. When you find someone that you want to give your love to, it's not always as simple as that. But once love is given, is that not a gift?
I wonder if, when he realized how ungrateful I was to receive the gift he bought for me, my dad thought about taking it away from me and returning it to where he bought it. It really would have served me right, to have that doll taken away, and been left empty-handed that Christmas.
Love isn't a gift that can be taken away as easily, but I certainly think it's possible. Sometimes people just aren't ready for the gifts they're given.
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jktty at 2:15 a.m.