April 06, 2007
When I talk about why I'm moving.
Yesterday was by far the worst day I've had in a very long time. Too bad, because it didn't have to be, but now everything is going to change.
The man at home has been getting ready to go turkey hunting. He said he would be leaving Thursday, and would be gone at least a week. However, this week he has been very sick, and he wasn't sure if he was still going.
When I came home from work yesterday, he had his things together, and laid out on the bed. He was in his shop, tending to his birds, and I went out to talk to him. He said he was going to be leaving and would be gone a few days. After I helped him collect some eggs, I went back into the house.
Shortly after that, he came in and asked if I had seen his binoculars. *sighs* after a 20 minute search that included a lot of yelling and accusations, he found them, and put them in his truck. Then he went to the bedroom to get his clothes and things. He wanted to pack them in a laundry basket, but couldn't find one. He had been home all day while I was at work, and he couldn't find a laundry basket?
I told him I didn't know where any were. By this point I was already irritated with him, and when we walked into the living room, I saw that there was a laundry basket at the end of a table. I picked it up a few inches and slammed it back onto the table "There is a basket right here!" When the basket landed back on the table, it knocked off two empty plastic cups.
He took a few steps and got right in my face and told me I better quit throwing shit around. I said I hadn't thrown anything, that the basket knocked them off. Then he told me to get out of his face. I told him he had gotten in my face and asked him "How many steps did you have to take to get in my face?" He said "I took three or four, now get out of my face."
Then he used both hands to shove me by my shoulders. I stumbled back a few steps and then shouted at him "Don't touch me in anger!" Then he shoved me again and told me to get the fuck out of my face.
I started to walk away and he grabbed me around the throat with both hands, and then let go. Then he grabbed me in a bear hug, squeezing so hard I thought my ribs would crack, and I couldn't draw a breath. He said in my ear "Sometimes I just want to tear you apart!" I said "I can't believe you grabbed my throat!"
He looked at me as if I was crazy, like he had already forgotten he just did it. He said he didn't grab my throat and I told him he was a fucking liar. Then SMACK!!!! he slapped me so hard my head spun around and my earring flew across the room.
I just looked at him, stunned. "I can't believe you just hit me!" He said "I slapped you." Then he was in my face again. I told him if he touched me again I would call the cops, and he would never own a gun again. He said "Oh that's what you want! You want to make this situation like that!" Then he turned and walked towards his mothers room.
"Mom come get this cunt before I fucking kill her! Come save her life!" I walked into the bathroom to look at my face because I felt numb and I wasn't sure if he had punched me or slapped me. Then they both came into the hall, blocking me into the bathroom.
I said "I can't believe you hit me!" His mom said "You deserved it, listen to your mouth." I can't remember everything that was said, because they were both yelling at me, and I was yelling at both of them, and it was all very mean and angry, but he mentioned that I said I would call the police and have his guns taken. I told them I didn't say that. I said I would call the police and he would never own a gun again. She said "Same fucking thing, and you do it, and I'll say he didn't do it!" I said "You would, and you're the reason he's like this. You made him this way!"
She asked me why I was still there and I said because I love him. They both screamed back that I don't love him, that I just stay for a place to live. Well, everyone else knows this, I guess they finally figured it out, too. He mentioned that we haven't had sex in months, and turned to his mom to say "Her idea of intimacy is kissing and cuddling." His mom grabbed me by my shoulders, acting like she was going to hit me, and I told her that I wouldn't hit him, but if she hit me I would hit her right back.
Then, he stepped in and said "You two are not going to fight." Ironic that it's okay for him to hit me, yet his mother acts like she is going to hit me, and he can't let that happen.
After a few minutes of shouting and more ugly words they both left the hall. I shut the door and stood in the bathroom, anger welling up, absolutely shocked that he had actually hit me. I waited until I was sure I wasn't going to cry, then I came out of the bathroom and changed clothes so that I could go to a meeting.
When he saw me changing, he said "If you leave, don't ever come back." I said "I'm going to the club meeting." I grabbed my jacket and my notebook, and was headed out the door and said to him "Have a safe trip." For some reason this infuritated him, and he followed me almost out the door and said "For that, you're out! You said that to push my buttons, so you need to get the fuck out. Be out by this weekend." I almost laughed. I was legitimately just saying "Have a safe trip, and he somehow read something into it.
I ignored him all the way to my truck, and then left. When I got to the meeting, I just sat there, still just in shock. I looked around at the faces of the people that are mutual friends, knowing that they would be shocked to know how he behaves. I wanted to stand up and shout that he is a domestic abuser, that he hit me, and that he has hit his mom.
The funny thing is, the minute he struck me, I knew I had to leave. I didn't need him to tell me to get out. I know from past history that once they hit you once, they don't stop. It can only get worse, and so I have to get out.
I dread the move, packing all my stuff and getting out. I'm hoping to do it while she's at work, and while he's away turkey hunting. If she's there, I'll just have to be tough and move out anyway.
If there was any good thing to come out of this, it's that it has taken my mind off of the other situation that has been tearing me up lately. Little comfort, yes, but enough to let me have a decent nights sleep.
By this time tomorrow, I'll be living somewhere else. Wow.
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jktty at 10:45 a.m.