September 12, 2006
When I talk about the quiet war at home.
There is an uncomfortable peace at home. The "yes, thanks" and "no, dear" and "please, baby" and all the other signs of peace are wearing my nerves out. I should be happy that we're not fighting every day, and that I'm not being screamed at all the time, but instead it makes me nervous.
On Saturday we had a huge blow up. He is convinced that I am cheating on Him (I'm not), and that I'm using the internet to meet other people (I am.) He took his blanket and pillow and moved to the La-Z-Boy recliner in the living room that night, and hasn't moved back into the bedroom since. It's been three nights of peace and quiet, not having to fight over the covers, not having to wake up with a sore throat because He had to have a fan on, and three nights of being able to stretch out and OWN the entire King size bed.
It's also been two and a half days of Him talking around me but not to me. Two and a half days of Him getting on the computer after I'm off of it, and checking the history to see what little information He can find there. He's not going to find anything! First of all, there is nothing to find. Second, if there is anything I think will cause ANY drama at all, I remove it from the history. I have nothing to hide, but if, for example, I look at the MSN profile for one of my MSN Messenger contacts, then He will automatically think "That's the one she's cheating on me with!"
There is no cheating going on. Not in the literal sense of the word, anyway. However, in my heart, I left him several months ago.
I don't want this blog to be another one of those "bad relationship" blogs, but He is a fact of life right now, and until I move out, He will continue to be a topic here.
Speaking of moving...I've been making some calls to start getting an idea of how much it's going to cost me to move out. It's starting to look like I'll be able to move out at the end of November/beginning of December. This is if things go WELL and I can set aside as much money as I need to. If things get bumpy, it might be the end of December/beginning of January.
I don't think it's too much to wish for that I want to be out of there before 2007. 2007 is going to be MY year, and I don't want Him in it!
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jktty at 10:40 a.m.